Dallin
Is My Marriage Still Safe?
It's the Law is where Dallin brings its relationship questions: legal, romantic, and everything in between. Nikki Randle takes most letters, sharp-tongued and straight with you as always, but the chair isn't hers alone. Every so often another Dallin voice with something worth saying takes a turn answering. Write the editor if you've got a question of your own.
Dear Ms. Randle,
My wife and I got married eight years ago, right here in Dallin. Lately, with everything going on, I can't stop worrying. What if it all gets taken away? What if our marriage stops counting for something one day? I lie awake thinking about it more nights than I'd like to admit. Is there anything we can actually do, or are we just supposed to wait and see?
Anxious in Dallin
Nikki Randle responds:
I'm not going to tell you the worry is silly, because it isn't, and I'm not going to pretend I have a crystal ball, because I don't. What I can tell you is where things actually stand, and what you can do about it starting today, not someday.
Right now, your marriage is protected two ways. Obergefell v. Hodges is still the law of the land: the Supreme Court ruling that made marriage equality the rule nationwide, not the exception. And on top of that, Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act, which says that even in the worst-case scenario, every state still has to recognize a marriage that was valid where it happened, and the federal government still has to recognize it too, for Social Security, taxes, immigration, all of it. That's a real legal backstop.
That said, and this is the lawyer in me talking, not the worrier, every couple, gay or straight, married or not, should have their paperwork in order regardless of what the news is doing. So here's my actual advice: get a will that names your wife, full stop, no ambiguity. Get healthcare powers of attorney for each other, so no hospital can ever tell either of you that you're "not family" in the room that matters most. If you have kids and only one of you is the legal parent, look into second-parent adoption now, while it's straightforward, not later. Update your beneficiaries. Do this regardless of what happens elsewhere, so the people who love you are never shut out.
You built something real. The law backs you up right now, and a good lawyer makes sure it keeps backing you up no matter what changes around it.
Nikki Randle
Randle & Associates